Some individuals have the concept of meeting a significant other and thinking they will become “whole”. Sometimes they use the phrase “I’m looking for my missing half”.
Others will counter this thought process by saying that you should become “whole first” and look for someone whole.
Both concepts are rather vague and overly generalized in my opinion when you examine them.
In my mind, more accurately we are looking to become whole. We are looking to mature, we are looking to develop into something more, we are looking to become fully expressive, or as one said “fully alive”.
In order to become those things, we need opposition. We need a challenge. Tony Robin’s said that change only happens by internal tension or external pressure. For those of you who know that Tony Robbins has two “b”s in the name, you may want to externally pressure me to adjust the spelling, or for myself I feel internal tension to act and correct the spelling because I know his name is spelled “Tony Robbins” There is also no ” ‘ ” needed, unless it is after the “s”. Anyway, fun side tangent and quick illustration. If I didn’t know or understand that, then I wouldn’t have the opportunity to change would I?
We can benefit when we have a reason or inspiration to:
Mature is often defined as we become less self-seeking by becoming more mindful of others. Mindful of your partner or children?
Develop into something more, often to be better for someone else’s experience and benefit.
Become fully expressive and more communicative. Often to benefit a relationship or person outside our self.
Becoming fully alive is an enriched position and an empowered one. Often coming from loving other people, and learning to love ourself which can also happen within relationships.
What if the reason for relationships was the development of yourself? What if your presence helped the other person grow and develop?
What if the friction between the two of you was beneficial? Even though at times very trying?
If you didn’t exercise with weights you may not develop the muscle. It is often opposition and challenge that moves us forward and helps us grow.
What if the gift that is found in our partner’s opposition was our personal growth and development?
What if we were drawn to them in part because of what we unknowingly wanted to develop in ourselves?
What if we have the magnified opportunity to become whole in a relationship if we apply ourselves?
It is possible to grow outside of a direct partnership or marriage. But there is something to be said about the closeness and proximity within that relationship that is different than other types of social interaction.
What if the help-mate partnership or married relationship was one of opposition and chosen cooperation for growth?
Like many things in life, relationships seem to be a mirror and a magnifier. The relationship can allow you to see yourself, including the parts you would rather not see. And the relationship can magnify what is present with you, for better or for what feels worse.
How do you see your relationship? Are you growing and shriveling? Are you moving forward and feel like you are moving back?
What are you learning? Is that helpful?
Are you surviving or do you feel like you are thriving?
Why did you want to be in the relationship in the first place?
How can challenges help you become whole personally?
There was a relationship many years ago that was extremely trying and painful for me. But to this day I feel a debt of gratitude to her, why is that? Even though the pain I experienced was traumatic, she gave me a meaninful reason and an inward inspiration to be transparent and to express interest in the face of significant personal fear. Simply put, she inspired me to face my fears and communicate my desires regarding a romantic relationship. This process was beyond painful. It was also, the piece that was missing in my younger years. Her presence in my life was a gift to inspire me to communicate. The action I chose in that situation helped me to become more whole and expressive. This process didn’t happen overnight. In-fact, I’m still working on this part of my person. However, I’m light years beyond where I was then… and I have her to thank for the opportunity to step forward personally.
I’m more whole today than I was before meeting her.
Though I am single at the time of this writing, I find myself truly grateful for each relationship I’ve been a part of. Each woman has taught me and helped me to grow and communicate more effectively. For this I am grateful. I hope that my presence in their life has given them the same opportunity as well. I have found that when I look at my past relationships, there is a theme that emerges… that theme is my growth and development and what I can offer the other person.
What are you grateful for in your relationship? What is it that they bring out of you? How can you learn and develop in light of it? What can you offer them? How do they feel challenged, and how are they growing because of your presence?
What if the pain had a purpose? What if the pain pointed to areas or decisions we need to make regarding ourselves or our relationship?