A word on partnership.
Drive or fly?
You can get to the destination both ways. You don’t need to fly if you’d rather not, you can drive correct? What do I mean?
For those of you who are on the fence about being single or finding a life partner. Some would say, “You don’t need one”. Some would say I don’t need a man, others would say I don’t need a woman. I would say, you can live life with or without a partner. An aspect of life is choice. Even if you don’t feel that you “need” a partner, what if you simply desire to be with a partner? You don’t have to enter a relationship from a point of pure codependency. Codependency as it’s typically understood means you need the other person to do x, y, and z. Without their involvement in an individual’s life things don’t seem to work, as if the individual can’t survive without the other. But what if you would like to enrich your life experience? What if a relationship may be able to do that? Notice I didn’t say what the relationship or partnership would do. A large part of what it would do depends on you and the other party.
Let me explain it this way. If I want to go from here to Florida, I can drive. I can get there by myself. The scenery is wonderful in some areas and less than wonderful in others. I don’t need someone to move towards where I’m going.
What if a partnership was likened to flying? (I understand some people will say that you can fly yourself, that is great and you can, but that is not the point of this article. Rather this article is to contrast being single and partnered.)
If you fly, you can also get to your destination. Both involve movement and time. Flying may offer richer scenery, flying may offer different options. The thing to keep in mind regarding flying is that you are not solely in control. This can elicit fear and insecurity in many of us. We have to trust. When you drive somewhere you can be in control. I recognize with flying you can crash and this can be devastating. For many of us, flying has more fear involved than driving. Ironically, in day-to-day life you are more likely to experience tragedy driving than flying. But the sense of control is comforting isn’t it? When we fly, there is an element of trust. In a partnership, both individuals are navigating and giving input. If this doesn’t happen there are consequences.
Another way partnership can be likened to flying… If you want a safe flight, what is the first thing that you do once you have a destination in mind and have a ticket to fly? You go to baggage claim. What happens if there is no security in a relationship? There is a higher likeliness of a crash, of turmoil, and the understanding of the flight and flight path to be hijacked. If you examine each others baggage before partnering together this can save significant tragedy down the road. This doesn’t guarantee an outcome, but it can allow each individual to exercise wisdom and discernment in their choice of who to fly with. The security area is only as good as the communication and transparency between the two individuals.
There are pros and cons to both driving and flying, to being single and to being partnered with someone. And there is no right or wrong choice.
Much of it will come down to choice, preparation and whether someone is willing to prepare themselves and their belief systems for either journey.
Living single, you don’t have as much feedback or frame of reference. You don’t have a partner as a potential sounding board or support.
Being partnered can give both of you another set of eyes, hands, and another heart.
Being single, you can revel more in your independence and personal control. Being partnered, you will need to learn to trust, communicate, and be transparent. Who we want to become is also very relevant.
Our belief systems and expectations play a large role in our outcomes in life. For some individuals they would choose partnership but can’t find someone to partner with. In this case, learning to do the best you can while being single and preparing yourself to be ready for partnership are the options you have. For other individuals they are partnered and wish they could be single again. Examining our challenges when being with a partner being honest with our self and seeking outside input can help us in whatever state we find ourselves. Sometimes reminding ourselves why we desired a partner in the first place is a good start. What do you enjoy about the partnership and what do you wish you could change? Have you communicated? Is there a safety aspect involved? Some reflection can help us gain clarity.
For each situation, once we know what to do next, then it is our responsibility to choose.
You can get to the destination single or partnered… what scenery do you want to see? Do you want to learn to trust and be transparent? Do you want personal control?
Is it possible to magnify the joy when we are partnered? Is it possible to lessen the sorrow?
If you are partnered and it is the opposite experience for you, do you know why?
In the end, how can we change and improve our present state?
We can’t choose an outcome, but we can choose our steps. We can’t control the other individual, but we can learn to better control and guide ourselves.
In whatever state you find yourself, have you listened to how you communicate about it? What we repeatedly say without forethought often gives us clues to what we believe and expect. What we believe and expect will likely lead us back to confirming experiences. It is a self-justifying cycle, until we choose to believe something different… until we accept a different, often contrary thought and focus. When we persevere with this different way of seeing things, eventually we start to see inklings of change start to occur around us. Are we aware? Are we paying attention? What do you desire?